Qu’ranic Weirdness 6

10 09 2011

This post originally appeared as a Facebook note written by Chuck Lucy Finale.

6:5 And they denied the truth when it came unto them. But there will come unto them the tidings of that which they used to deride.

The Qu’ran can’t go very far without threatening non Muslims with punishment.

6:34 There is none to alter the decisions of Allah.

I guess Mo forgot that he wrote down this lil birdie:

2:106 Nothing of our revelation (even a single verse) do we abrogate or cause be forgotten, but we bring (in place) one better or the like thereof.

6:38 There is not an animal in the earth, nor a flying creature flying on two wings, but they are peoples like unto you.

Wait, animals are people?  Does this mean meat is Soilent Green?

6:39 Those who deny Our revelations are deaf and dumb in darkness. Whom Allah will sendeth astray, and whom He will He placeth on a straight path.

Ah, no wonder this book seems like such horseshit to me.

6:74 (Remember) when Abraham said unto his father Azar: Takest thou idols for gods ? Lo! I see thee and thy folk in error manifest.

Genesis 11:26 says Terah is Abraham’s father.  Maybe Mo should have had a copy of the Torah on hand?

6:100 Yet they ascribe as partners unto Him the jinn, although He did create them, and impute falsely, without knowledge, sons and daughters unto Him. Glorified be He and High Exalted above (all) that they ascribe (unto Him).

He made the Jinn, and they are not his partners.  Allah does NOT date Jinn.  Seriously.

6:104 Proofs have come unto you from your Lord, so whoso seeth, it is for his own good, and whoso is blind is blind to his own hurt. And I am not a keeper over you.

And now the Qu’ran falls immediately to pieces.  The First Surrah is explicitly a prayer TO Allah.  He didn’t write 6:128 In the day when He will gather them together (He will say): O ye assembly of the jinn! Many of humankind did ye seduce. And their adherents among humankind will say: Our Lord! We enjoyed one another, but now we have arrived at the appointed term which Thou appointedst for us. He will say: Fire is your home. Abide therein for ever, save him whom Allah willeth (to deliver). Lo! thy Lord is Wise, Aware.it. Thanks for LYING TO ME, MO.

6:128 In the day when He will gather them together (He will say): O ye assembly of the jinn! Many of humankind did ye seduce. And their adherents among humankind will say: Our Lord! We enjoyed one another, but now we have arrived at the appointed term which Thou appointedst for us. He will say: Fire is your home. Abide therein for ever, save him whom Allah willeth (to deliver). Lo! thy Lord is Wise, Aware.

Is it Allah’s fault that I find this shit really funny, or is it the Jinns’ fault?  I blame the author, since Allah and the Jinns don’t exist.

6:142 And of the cattle (He produceth) some for burdens, some for food. Eat of that which Allah hath bestowed upon you, and follow not the footsteps of the devil, for lo! he is an open foe to you.

I guess this is why the call him ArmLegLegArmHead.  He’s very pro eating body parts.

6:151 Say: Come, I will recite unto you that which your Lord hath made a sacred duty for you: That ye ascribe no thing as partner unto Him and that ye do good to parents, and that ye slay not your children because of penury – We provide for you and for them – and that ye draw not nigh to lewd things whether open or concealed. And that ye slay not the life which Allah hath made sacred, save in the course of justice. This He hath command you, in order that ye may discern.

Oh great Allah!  I had thought that killing your own children was a great idea, nevermind.

6:159 Lo! As for those who sunder their religion and become schismatics, no concern at all hast thou with them. Their case will go to Allah, Who then will tell them what they used to do.

Like Islam?

hehe fun.

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One response

9 09 2014
AbdelRahman

i recommend to use more than one translation because you can come to erroneous conclusions if you rely on a single translation only. Remember the translation is a human attempt at translating (which includes interpretation) of the Divine word.

///6:5 And they denied the truth when it came unto them. But there will come unto them the tidings of that which they used to deride.///

How is that a threat?
Another translation (Sahih International): “For they had denied the truth when it came to them, but there is going to reach them the news of what they used to ridicule.”

It’s just a statement about the disbelievers at the time of the Prophet who knew very well he was speaking the truth but denied it because of ego and jealousy, and they used to ridicule the news about the hereafter and life after death so it’s a statement they will see what they are ridiculing.

///6:34 There is none to alter the decisions of Allah.

I guess Mo forgot that he wrote down this lil birdie:

2:106 Nothing of our revelation (even a single verse) do we abrogate or cause be forgotten, but we bring (in place) one better or the like thereof.////

This is a very funny misunderstanding. To abrogate verses is also a decision of Allah, and is part of his wisdom with respect to gradual legislation about evils very deeply ingrained in society, such as wine in pre-Islamic Arabia. The final prohibition of alcoholic drinks came to abrogate earlier revelation that only asked them to avoid being intoxicated while praying (as a first step).

///6:38 There is not an animal in the earth, nor a flying creature flying on two wings, but they are peoples like unto you.

Wait, animals are people? Does this mean meat is Soilent Green?//

This is a misunderstanding due to inaccurate translation. The word used is “umam” which more accurately means “nations” or “communities” not “people” if the word “naas” was used instead then yes it would be human “people”. Here are other translations:

Sahih International: “And there is no creature on [or within] the earth or bird that flies with its wings except [that they are] communities like you,”
Yusuf Ali: “There is not an animal (that lives) on the earth, nor a being that flies on its wings, but (forms part of) communities like you.”
Hilali & Khan: “There is not a moving (living) creature on earth, nor a bird that flies with its two wings, but are communities like you.”

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